Traveling the Southern United States
From WikiName
Let’s say you live in Sacramento, California, and you want to travel across the vast United States of America, via the souther states, with a final destination of Kissimee, Florida, what route should you take? Or perhaps, you wish to drive an extra 111 miles to Two Egg, Florida, where should you begin? Well, if you have a dog and live in Sacramento, then you might want to stop by the nearby Dogtown, California, and drop off your furry friend. (I’m just assuming they have great dog kennels there.)
Once you start traveling, you probably want to get some driving time in before you start making pit stops, so you can wait until Bloody Basin, Arizona, before you go wandering off your direct route to Florida. It’s not too far off the path anyway, just a little bit north of Phoenix – if you consider 91 miles “not too far” and “just a little bit.” While you’re there, you can discern why they named the place Bloody Basin, then report back to me. Personally, I plan on staying away from any place with “bloody” in the title. But, please, do go, I wish you my best.
Once you solved the mystery of Bloody Basin, Arizona, I suggest a trip to Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. Unfortunately, the derivation of the town name is not as consequential as one might hope, but it is interesting, nonetheless. It is also telling of the nature of television’s affect on the American landscape.
After traveling through New Mexico, you’ll happen upon Texas, so you might want to stop by Ding Dong, Texas, knock on someone’s door and let them know you’ve arrived. Unfortunately, you’ll have already been in the large state of Texas for about nine hours by that point. Perhaps it would be more wise to stop by Crusher, Cut and Shoot or Gun Barrel City first. Err… maybe not, although Crusher and Cut and Shoot are most definitely on the way to your Floridean destination. Fortuitously, Hoop and Holler, Texas, is also on the path (give or take an hour or so), so why not stop by and give their residents a yell? But, don’t get it confused with Hoot and Holler, Texas, which is not on the way. If you have extra time, you might want to travel to Babyhead or Looneyville, Texas, but they’re not really on the way. I know it’s unfortunate, but that’s life.
If you’re determined to travel through Dallas, then you must stop by Paradise and Sanctuary, Texas, which, interestingly enough, are only twenty one miles apart. Who knew, right? Obviously, not many people – their combined population in the 2000 census was 715 (459 and 256, respectively). I suppose the good news is the residents must have a sense of humor. But, if they don’t, that name at the bottom of this article is a pseudonym. Oh no, do I have to define that word now?
After your tangent (or my tangent) and passing through Texas, you’ll only have about ten hours left on your journey to Two Egg, Florida, or about nine hours if you prefer Kissimee. Louisiana and Mississippi should feel like a breeze compared to driving across Texas. I’d suggest stopping in Hot Coffee, Mississippi, to get a little jolt for the last leg of the trip, but it’s insanely out of the way. I suppose you’ll just have to muster it up on your own pure gonzo adrenaline. (Kind of like I did with this article.)
Before you know it, you'll have arrived at Two Egg and your trip will be over. Easy, right?
Author: Rich Kachold Bold text
