Rooney (band)

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HISTORY

Rumor has it, Ed Rooney, an avid adversary of the ironically titled band, Rooney, is on the hunt for the five men who form the rock group. Apparently, the high school principal has left his Shermer home in hopes of reaching Los Angeles by the end of the week. Rooney (the principal, not the band) has been known to destroy a good time, or try to anyway. The band has declined to comment. In related news, Ferris Bueller has won the lottery.

Meanwhile, a pack of friendly guys with loose sleeves and bell-bottoms relax by a swimming pool. Never has a band been so unquestionably dutiful to a hometown. Or a home state, for that matter. Before a sun-kissed throng of Marissa Cooper's and Summer Roberts', with the grizzly bear flag flapping in the bonfire breeze, these guys, together known as Rooney, let the whole world know just how much they love California.

And, boy, is John Hughes insulted.

A diehard for his own home state, Hughes worked hard to convert the nation's adolescents, in the prime of their angst, to the ear-muffed joys of the Windy City through the innocently sensual bite of Molly Ringwald's bottom lip. (A smart man, that Hughes.) But now he scoffs at the L.A. based group that does nothing but rob this already regressing generation of what is really out there, beyond the bleached blonde shores of Southern California, to a place where sixteenth birthdays are often forgotten, where beautiful women are technologically created, and where Buzz eats all the cheese pizza. The band neglects a little place called Illinois... all in the name of a legendary 80s character.

Uniting under the mustached title of 'Ed Rooney' in 1999, Robert Schwartzman, Louie Stephens, Taylor Locke, Ned Brower, and Matthew Winter quickly dropped the first name, opting for a more Ferrisian effect with plain old 'Rooney' (hence the lack of propriety in the absence of Ed and/or "Mr.") As harsh-weathered fans of the classic 1986 hit Italic textFerris Bueller's Day OffItalic text, the rebellious group identified themselves in salutatory ode to the man who, in essence, made Ferris Bueller's day off the exhilarating ride that it was.

A surprise this was not to most followers. Schwartzman, the animated lead singer and former actor, is a multi-gifted descendent of The Royal Coppolas. Nephew of Vito Corleone's written voice, son of the shy face behind "Yo, Adrian!", cousin of the founder of Bill Murray's translation, brother of Max freaking Fischer; one had to only assume that his next project would somehow correlate to his insane tie to cinematic brilliance. Robert, as well as his less-genetically-privileged bandmates, often express their fervent passion for The Arts in general; whether be it music, film, sketching, or literature.

However, Rooney has established their respectable foundation based on the fact that they adore Southern California, albeit amidst a plethora of high-pitched squeals and pigtails. Such a reputation has caused many skeptics, John Hughes included, to wonder "Why not 'Wayne', 'Hasselhoff', 'Schwarzenegger'?"

"Why," asks Hughes, "must you sabotage my homeland, my craft, my Ed Rooney?"

They laugh in response, their growing hair blowing out the convertible windows on a drive down Pacific Coast Highway. "Because," they say in harmonic unison, "we're on the trip of our lives under a California sun, and he's still trying to catch us."

Author: Cassidy McCraney

SIGNIFICANT FACTS

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