"Beaver"..You might as well have called me Vagina

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I don't have a girlfriend, I'm poor, I was kicked out of school, and pimples still inhabit my face even though being 21 means that I shouldn't have to deal with whiteheads and puss. Still, none of this poor fortune makes me pull my thinning hair out. The fact that my mother still calls me "BEAVER" does.

Let me reiterate that I am 21 years old. Two weeks ago I went with my mother to a work BBQ with all of her friends that work with her at the local high school. I went to that high school, and everybody there knew my embarrassing nickname already, but she had to bring the story up again.

"Anthony was such a cute kid. He had the biggest front two teeth and he looked just like a cute little beaver." Everyone howls each time she tells this story, but not for the reason she thinks that they do. She doesn't know that beaver is code for vagina. Back in her day, which was the day when the word beaver actually meant vagina even more than it does now, she never got the memo that beaver wasn't just the ugly animal with the funky teeth.

So now everyone around town knows me as Beaver, the kid whose mom doesn't know what a beaver really is. She might as well have named me vagina. AHHH!!!!